The CIA has learned today through anonymous sources and on-the-ground intelligence that Al Qaeda has developed new weapons of mass destruction, the likes of which have never been seen in this country. Sources tell us that Pakistani scientists have been working for decades on weather-related weapons, and have finally developed a working prototype that was recently tested by radicals in Pakistan.

The device (pictured at right) generates high currents of wind, which causes air molecules to rub together causing friction and lightning. Because the wind that is generated is rotational, it has the power to absorb moisture from large bodies of water, thus giving the weapon far more power than just pure air. Pakistani scientists predict high wind, coupled with flooding, lightning, and tornados.

The CIA and the Department of Homeland Security have identified Hurricane Katrina as the result of the first test run of this weapon. High winds generated from the machine originated over Pakistan where they were picked up by the jetstream and carried over Africa. From there, the wind hit conditions favorable for future development, and found a vast source of warm water - the Atlantic Ocean. As we have seen, this weapon brings mass destruction where it hits.

Sources are reporting that the President has been briefed, and has declared war against hurricanes, saying "The sole purpose of a hurricane is to terrorize the citizens of the United States, and they are weapons of mass destruction. We must prevail." However, our military presence in Afghanistan and Iraq, coupled with the National Guard activations to the Gulf Coast have left the US unable to respond with military force. "All options are on the table," declared the President.

Due to the unpredictable nature of these weapons, the CIA, NSA, and DHS have been unable to predict where future attacks might occur. The nation's terror alert status has been upgraded to red.